Two-Minute Theatre

Self-Righteous Liberal Groupspeak Gone Wild!!

Scene: A banquet at a gathering of religious liberals. The speaker and guest of honor is a relatively FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN and a member of the local church. At a table near the podium sit several diners, including ROOKIE-MINISTER and ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON. As our scene opens, FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN is introducing her speech and the related activities for the evening.

FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN: Welcome to Crow country! Tonight will be a celebration of local Indian culture.

At the sound of the word “Indian,” ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON sits bolt upright, a shocked look on her face. She glares at FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN.

FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN: Before the Indian dancers from my family come out, I want to talk a little tonight about the importance of narrative in Indian culture and history.

At each subsequent mention of the word “Indian,” an invisible pole of self-righteousness travels further and further up ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON’s butt. This pattern repeats itself several more times throughout FAMOUS AMERICAN INDIAN’s speech, until ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON can no longer stand it.

ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON: (barely whispers)Doesn’t she know she’s supposed to say “Native American” now?

The diners try to look away, but cannot resist the horrifying draw of the waves of stupid now hovering over the table. ENFORCER-OF-THE-LIBERAL-LEXICON blathers on, oblivious to the pitying stares of those around him.

ROOKIE-MINISTER puts down his dessert fork in an attempt to quell the stabby feelings. He hits his head softly on the table-top, and once again wonders if it’s not too late to be a Presbyterian. Or maybe a Good Humor man.

CURTAIN

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